Every Good and Perfect Gift is from Above...

So many amazing, life-changing events have occurred since my last post that it would be hard to put it all into words without writing a book.  I thought it might be a little easier to do a summary with pictures.

Nolan turned 2 on July 28, and we had his party on the 27.  It was definitely a God-send to have a 75 degree day in late July for this pregnant Mamma:)

He really enjoyed the chocolate cake and homemade ice-cream!

Nolan and Ben with their friends, Cadence and Chloe.

 

 

 

 

Opening presents

 

 

 

 

On Nolan's actual birthday we met some of our friends, the St. Germains, with their adorable daughter Chloe, at Laumier Sculpture Park.  It was another gorgeous summer day!

On August 15, Ben started kindergarten!  Being 9 months pregnant and watching my first born go off to school was a pretty emotional day for me.  Ben on the other hand, could not have been more excited and anxious!

All ready for his first day at Mesnier Elementary

Four days later, Eddie and I rose well before the sun came up to drive to St. Luke's hospital for my scheduled c-section.  After having two vaginal deliveries with the boys, I was not looking forward to meeting our new baby via surgery.  However, my doctor and I tried everything to get baby to turn.  At thirty-seven weeks I had a version and for some reason, baby wouldn't turn.  At thirty-nine weeks Eddie and two of his closest friends helped me stand on my head for about half an hour, hoping to make baby flip.  Again, it didn't work.  I was having a big pity party for myself about all the things that were just "wrong" and "unfair" about a c-section, when a wise friend told me, "Cassie, it is what you make it to be."  Sooo, I could continue to pout and feel sorry for myself, and rob myself of the joys of meeting my new baby, or I could suck it up and make the best of the situation.  I knew I was in the best hands.  I had many friends and family members praying for me and baby, and I fully believe my OB/GYN is one of the best there is. 

That Monday morning, Eddie and I talked excitedly about what we would name our little one.  We were both expecting and preparing ourselves for a little boy.  I had just gotten that "vibe" that it would be another boy, but neither of us could settle on a name.  So we decided to wait until our baby was born and we got to see him/her before we chose the name.  I was prepped for surgery and stared out my hospital window as the first rays of sunshine began to shine.  At least I knew it would be over with quickly and I'd be holding my baby in my arms before most people were eating breakfast.  There was some difficulty getting the epidural in (word of advice, if you don't NEED an epidural due to a c-section, don't get one.  I was in more pain and discomfort during the fifteen minutes it took the anesthesiologist to get the epidural in my back than I was during my entire natural delivery with Nolan.  How can something that's meant to prevent pain cause so much?)  My OB was so angry at him she had to leave the room.  In her words, "it was like watching someone kick a puppy."  Anyway, he finally got it in and I knew that if I could get through fifteen minutes of a giant needle stabbing inside my back, near my spine, that I could get through a cesarean.  Eddie sat by my head holding my hand, waiting anxiously.  About ten minutes after they had raised the curtain, my doctor said, "and you have baby GIRL."  Eddie and I erupted with emotional tears and cries of joy and elation.  We couldn't believe it, we had been blessed with a precious baby girl!  The nurse held her up while Eddie snapped pictures.  

Adelynn KayLee Rickard born  08/19/13 at 8:21 AM, weighing 8 lbs and measuring 21 inches long.  Something about 8 and 21, should make it easy to remember the exact time and her size. Side note, her middle name, KayLee, is a  combination  we chose to honor her Grandma's middle name, Kay, and her Great-Grandma's middle name, Lee.

 They moved her to a warming table and cleaned out her lungs, allowed Eddie to cut her cord, and I did my best to watch.  Eddie asked, "We're going to name her Adelynn, right?"  Umm, yes.  I was so convinced I was having a boy that I hadn't spent much time pondering the girl names.  But a few weeks before while some of our friends, the Maynards, were visiting, Brooke mentioned Ava's best friend, Adelyn (I have no idea how she spells it).  But Eddie and I both looked at each other and said we liked that name.  It was one we both agreed on, thought it was beautiful and sweet, a name that suits a baby girl, but one she can also grow up with.  We call her Addie for short.  Later, I would find out our baby had a good reason for not turning: the umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck.

As soon as Adelynn was cleaned up, weighed and measured, Eddie was holding his baby girl in his arms.  

They brought her to me as quickly as possible so I could snuggle with her and kiss on her while the doctors and nurses continued to sew me up. 

When Ben and Nolan were born they were handed to me immediately and I got to hold them, kiss them, nurse them and bond.  Then I would let Eddie hold them.  This time, our little girl, who had to do everything differently than her brothers, was held and nurtured by her daddy first.  Yep, Eddie is already wrapped tightly around those tiny fingers:)  Still, Eddie and Adelynn were right by my side throughout the remainder of the surgery and as soon as the curtain was removed I got to hold her.  I got to hold her all the way back to our recovery room and nurse her immediately.  

The whole experience was very surreal.  I still cannot articulate the feeling of not knowing if you're going to be meeting your new baby boy, or your new baby girl, and then seeing her for the first time.  While I nursed Adelynn, Eddie began making calls to family and friends that were also waiting anxiously to hear the news.  The remainder of the week, Addie and I spent recovering in the hospital, being well cared for by excellent nurses.  On Friday, we brought our little girl home.  Ben and Nolan have been loving on her ever since.  She's already a pretty good sleeper and eating very well, surpassing her birth weight after 10 days.  Recovery for me is slow, but going more smoothly than I anticipated.  Eddie has been an amazing supporter, taking care of the boys, the laundry, the dishes, and most of the dirty diapers.  A lot of friends have or will be delivering meals to make our transition even easier.  Once again, I cannot believe how blessed I am.  I don't deserve it.  I haven't earned it, I'm just loved by an amazing God who's given me my heart's desires, simply because He loves me.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. ~ James 1:17

A Reflection on Beauty

Currently, I'm in the midst of a new study with my small group on a book titled, Captivating: Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul, by John and Stasi Eldredge.  If you've never heard of the Eldredges, I recommend you checkout their ministry, Ransomed Heart Ministries.  This is my third Eldredge book endeavor and I have to say each one speaks to my heart about the true nature of God;  and each read has been eye opening and life changing for me.  John and Stasi simply bring to light the messages God's Word tells us about God's own nature, and how vital and precious our hearts are to God.  They also have inspiring blogs to follow if a book isn't your style (John and Stasi's blogs).
My small group, which consists of 5 other amazing women, meets once a week to reflect on our study, to fellowship and encourage one another, and to hold each other accountable in our walk with God.  Last Tuesday night we were discussing the subject of beauty, which is one of the primary points in Captivating.  However, the way Captivating describes beauty and the emphasis of beauty's role in our world and our lives, is very different than any message the world has given us.  Beauty is described as the essence of God.  Beauty serves as a reflection of God's own image.  No mind can fathom the beauty we'll behold when we see our Lord face-to-face, when we enter His kingdom we will behold a beauty we could never have dreamt.  So how does beauty play a role in our lives today, and more specifically, how important is beauty as an attribute of God, and women?
To quote Stasi, "Beauty is the essence of femininity.  Not the only essence, but very much core to who and what a woman is.  It was given to every woman at her birth, in her creation as an image-bearer of a captivating God.  Now, we know that life has assaulted your heart and your beauty, and because of that, most women doubt very much that they are beautiful.  ...let your heart rest for now in this: God is beautiful.  He has given you his very image, deep in your soul.  That means you have a beauty to unveil, too."
It's important that I stop here to emphasize that she is not talking about a beauty you have to go conjure up at a salon, the gym or a plastic surgeon's office.  It's much deeper than that.  The chapter and the book has much more to say about this, but that night I was reminded how God gives us beauty to speak to us about his nature, and sometimes, to comfort us when nothing else will.  I suddenly recalled that in a deep time of sorrow, as I sat in my Grandmother's house with my family gathered round, grieving as she lay in a bed drawing some of her last breaths, Nolan took more than 10 steps across the room in front of our family.  I gasped.  He was 15 1/2 months old.  I had been waiting anxiously for this moment, wondering when this little man would finally start walking.  Little did I know God had something special in mind for something so simple.  It was a moment of joy, emotion and a reminder of the precious gift of new life.  It was beautiful, and it was comforting.
Last Wednesday Eddie and I had the opportunity to dine at romantic restaurant as we celebrated 9 years of marriage.  While we sat at our candle lit table, discussing and creating a list of baby names to take to the hospital, I noticed that the fresh flowers that adorned our table were no ordinary flowers.  In the little glass vase were an assortment of flowers, but the most noticeable were the Spider mums.  I don't believe it was coincidence, but a little gift from my Father to remind me of his love and beauty.  Spider mums were used by the dozens in our wedding decorations:)
I hope this rambling inspires someone to reflect on how God speaks to us through beauty, and realizes it is a very important essence of who God is.  Don't believe me?  Just look outside on a starry night, or gaze in awe at something amazing like a newborn baby, a perfect sunset, or a captivating little girl who knows she has a beauty of her own to be delighted in.

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The Lost Tooth, a Celebration, and a NY Getaway

The Lost Tooth
With a 5 year old and a 22 month old, one would assume the first tooth loss would come from Benjamin.  Alas, Ben is still waiting for that exciting day when he can hide a lost tooth under his pillow.  Nolan beat him to the punch.  It was a typical Tuesday evening in early May, I was getting ready for my small group gathering and Eddie had ran to the hardware store for a few items.  Ben decided to run out the back door without my permission or knowledge, and unfortunately, Nolan is always quick to follow in his big brother's footsteps.  Before I could get outside, Ben ran in yelling that Nolan had fallen and was bleeding very badly.  I was already running out the back door onto the deck and down the stairs because I heard the wailing.  I saw Nolan sitting at the bottom of the deck stairs on the concrete patio with blood running out of his mouth.  At first glance it appeared he'd busted his top and bottom lip.  I took him inside and was cleaning him up as Eddie was coming through the front door.  After several minutes of compression on his lips, I noticed he was also bleeding from inside his mouth.  I told Eddie we needed to take a look inside because something wasn't right.  Before I could lean Nolan all the way back, Eddie gasped, "Oh my gosh, he lost a tooth!"  WHAT?!  All of my calm control immediately went out the window and my hormonal emotions took over.  I was bawling.  Crying out about what a horrible mother I am, and how awful this was for Nolan.  He saw my reaction, and started to cry harder.  Thankfully, Eddie took Nolan from me while I wondered out loud, what do we do?  Do we take him to Urgent Care?  Do we call the doctor?  I decided to start with my mom.  I'm sure a hysterical phone call from your daughter about the welfare of one of your grandsons is frightening to say the least, and once she got me to spit it all out, she started doing what mom's do best.  She told me to pull myself together, and that it would all be OK.  While I was talking to her on the phone, Nolan had stopped crying and the bleeding had slowed down.  Realizing that he WILL survive, and that DFS probably won't be coming to take my children away, I agreed to call the doctor's office and speak with a pediatric nurse.  The nurse reassured me that based on what I told her, Nolan would be fine and that I'd just need to take him to the dentist the following morning.  Thankfully, Nolan slept all night and was acting like himself with the exception of not being able to eat solid foods.  Eddie and I had searched the patio several times and could not locate the tooth which led us to believe Nolan swallowed it.  The next morning when Ashtyn showed up I was explaining to her grandma, Jeanette, what had happened when Ashtyn bent down and said,

It's huge!

"I found the tooth."  It was in the living room the whole time.  It was honestly a blessing that we didn't find it the night before because the sight of this ginormous tooth made Eddie and Jeanette both ill.  I was just happy to have it so that I could show it to the dentist, and because I knew I wouldn't be searching diapers for the tooth!  After a checkup and X-ray the dentist informed me the good news is that it appears there was no damage to the permanent tooth and it was knocked out clean, no remnants left to pull out.  The bad news: Nolan probably won't have a front right tooth until he's 7 or 8:(  He's a tough little guy and it hasn't slowed him down at all, although I kind of wish it would in some ways.  I was more traumatized by the event than he was, and every single day I'm praying that God will protect him from his adventurous little spirit.

A Celebration
On May 21 we celebrated Ben's preschool graduation, he is officially a kindergartner!  For the last two years, Ben attended a small, private preschool at Holy Trinity Lutheran Church in South St. Louis.  The name of the preschool is Holy Tots.  At the end of the school year the teachers organize a "graduation program", where the children sing, dance and then the teachers read a little information about each child.  This year, when asked a series of questions, Ben said he wants to be a fireman when he grows up, his favorite food is candy (oh great), and his favorite part of school is playing with his friends.  Afterwards, there was a little gathering with refreshments and light snacks.  This year, I made graduation cupcakes, inspired by Pinterest:)
                            

NY Getaway
In April we found out Eddie would have to attend a 17 day training in upstate NY for a new certification his job requires.  Since we were unable to take our California trip, we decided this would be my only chance for a vacation before baby #3 arrives.  On May 29 I flew with Eddie to Rochester, NY and we stayed in a beautiful little town just outside called the Village of Fairport.  5 nights of uninterrupted sleep, along with beautiful sight seeing, pampering at a spa, reading and lounging by a pool, and quality time with my husband is exactly what I needed.  Since my mom was taking caring of the boys for us, I was able to relax and enjoy the trip, and come home refreshed and rejuvenated.  Eddie returns home on Friday, June 14.  The boys and I are more than ready to see him, it's been too long.  Eddie is just as eager, if not more so, to get home and be with his family.  Thankfully, Skype has at least enabled us to chat "live" while allowing Eddie to see the boys.  Ben LOVES to "call Daddy on the computer".  Each day he says multiple times how much he misses his daddy.  Below are a few pictures from our sightseeing in NY and Canada.  Enjoy!

Niagara Falls, amazing

Maid of the Mist @Horse Shoe Falls

Eddie & I taking the Maid of the Mist voyage

Pictures and words do no justice

Cooperstown, NY - Baseball Hall of Fame

Milestones, March & More

Where to begin?  With our adorable boys, of course!  The first major milestone (since my last post) was Nolan's first haircut.  Anyone that knows us well understands how difficult it was for us to cave on cutting Nolan's beautiful curls; but alas, the 287th time of our youngest son being mistaken for a girl did the trick.    In October I attempted to "trim" his bangs and after one jagged snip, I decided to leave the hair cutting to the pros:)  SO, I sought out a toddler-friendly salon and settled on The Hairy Elephant.  The golf cart chair and Elmo TV was NOT enough to keep him still, or happy.  However, about 8 suckers later we had a handsome looking one year old!  (He went through a lot of suckers because he continuously got hair on each one).  Ben also got a new buzz cut and was charming as always;)

 


Our next major milestone was celebrating Ben's 5th birthday.  We took him camping at Bennett Springs State Park and since it's close to my family, we also had a triple birthday celebration / BBQ at the park.  Ben's cousin Allie was also turning 5, and my niece Mia turned 2.  The kids had a blast, the weather was spectacular and we can't wait to go camping again at BSSP!

Speaking of March, we'd had a fairly mild winter, once again....to our disappointment.  However, as the saying goes, "in like a lamb, out like a lion", March brought us an expected wave of winter with an epic snowfall and we had close to 12 inches in one day!  Since Eddie and I have lived in St. Louis for almost 9 years, never has it snowed this much at one time.  Eddie didn't want to miss out on the fun so he took the day off from work. We made the most of it and the boys helped us build their first snowman.  It was a very memorable snow day for our family.

The last day of March we had our favorite celebration/holiday, Easter.  Every year we stay the weekend with my family and my mom hosts a huge family feast for our entire family.  Before the big meal we attend church with my mom and step-dad.  This year we attended our a small church where my mom's cousin pastors.  Johnny opened an invitation to the congregation for anyone that felt led to sing a special.  Who should volunteer and sing loud and proud about Jesus' death and resurrection   Benjamin!  Fearless and determined he stood up with the microphone and sang a song he learned in preschool.  It was such a proud and emotional moment for Eddie and me.  Afterwards, we went back to the farm to prepare for the family dinner.  There were over 60 of us gathered together to celebrate the resurrection of our Savior, Jesus.  This was the first Easter without Grandma.  There have been a lot of "firsts" since she died in November, and this was very emotional for my mom.  She never dwells on the negative though, and reminded herself and the rest of the family, about the amazing celebration that Grandma is a part of now in Heaven.
The entire weekend was refreshing and revitalizing for the boys and me.  We love staying on the farm, taking in the open scenery, fresh air and the extra family time.  Ben and Nolan really took advantage of the "farm life" and spent most of the weekend playing outdoors, especially in the mud puddles.  Nolan would live

outside if we let him.  He LOVES the outdoors and especially when there are puddles to splash, roll and play in.  I'm so glad we get the chance to get out of the city whenever we want to, and I'm so glad my boys make the most of it.
Baby #3 update: I'm 21 weeks, now over halfway there.  It's going pretty fast so far.  We had an ultrasound the week before Easter, but we've chosen to keep the gender concealed.  We want to be surprised, and want our family and friends to be surprised as well.
Baby #3 was very fast and active during the ultrasound, making the sonographer really work for those precious pictures, and important measurements.  Everything appears to be healthy so

far, which is all that matters at this point.  Ben's heart is set on a baby sister, but Eddie and I have explained that God has already chosen what this baby will be and it's not up to us.  He seems to understand that concept for the most part and  has come up with a few baby boy name suggestions as well.
After 8 years of looking at mauve countertops in my kitchen I decided it was time for a makeover.  Thanks to Pinterest, YouTube and many blogs, I found a way to redo my countertops for about $100.  Here are the before and after pictures.  I'm so thrilled with how they turned out.  I'll try to give more details in another posting about how it's done.

 

Lastly, the most bittersweet milestone for us: we registered Benjamin for kindergarten.  This child absolutely LOVES people, learning and structured environments.  He absolutely THRIVES around other children and although I know he'll do great in kindergarten, it's very emotional for me to "let go" of my first born and send him off to school for the first time.  Ben on the other hand, cannot wait!  He asked me the day after registration if he can go back and stay for 100 nights!  LOL.  And being the observant, intelligent and sensitive boy that he is, he looked at me and asked "Mamma, are you sad I'm going to kindergarten?"  I was a little taken off guard that he was so intuitive, and after I gave him my honest answer "yes, a little", he said, "well, I'm not."  And with that I was smiling again.

One Year Anniversary: How I've Transitioned From a Full-Time Working Mother of Two, to a Full-Time SAHM / Working Part-time From Home

January 21 was the one year anniversary of when I left my full-time job after Eddie and I decided it was best for our family that I stay home with our boys.  I remember being so eager and excited, and also having so many dreams and ideas of how my home would improve - becoming more organized, would always be clean, the laundry would always be caught up and the boys and I would have one fun playdate after another!  As I was leaving my old job, and talking excitedly about the projects I was going to complete around the house someone said "yeah, let me know how that works out for you."  Coming from a father of three who's wife stays home, I had no idea how right he was.  I literally LOL when I look at how naive I was about how liberating, fun and exciting it would be to stay home with my children ALL of the time, and become an amazing house wife. 
Just last week I hugged Eddie with tears in my eyes and said "maybe I'm just not meant to stay home.  I suck.  I'm not good at this domestic stuff."  He just laughed and told me I'm doing fine.  So, for those mothers out there that are envious of those "green" earthy, mammas that stay at home and hangout at parks and sip lattes, and then go home and prop up there feet while their children play quietly in their super clean, organized house - it is NOTHING like that, at all:)  Yes, I wasn't completely naive.  I knew that staying home would be a new challenge, I knew that I would have to adjust from being a strong financial contributor to our househould outside the home, to being a devoted mom and housewife.  The first few weeks I remember thinking "so this is it?"  It's hard to explain, but I felt a little lost at first.  I was so used to having my job, my desk, my computer, my paycheck, my commute, my successes and failures in the workforce, AND the joys and challenges of motherhood, cooking, cleaning, etc.  Now, it's the children and the home that I have to focus on.
Well here I am, one year later.  I really can't say that my house is any cleaner (because it's not), or that I'm more organized.  I've always enjoyed cooking so the fact that we have fresh, hot cooked meals everyday isn't new.  But, I have learned a lot about appreciating how CHALLENGING it is to be a full-time SAHM.  It is not glamorous.  I don't walk around the house or neighborhood w/my moby wrap and latte, calm and cool with no worries.  Don't get me wrong.  I get out of the house a lot with my children, but I'll get to that more later.
Being a SAHM means you are with your children 24/7, 365.  Unless of course you schedule a night away with a baby-sitter, or the grandparents.  I know some moms say they would give anything to have this opportunity, and I believe them.  I know, I've been that envious mom.  But reality has set in.  It is not at all easy.  I clean up one mess to turn around and find three new messes behind me!  The children want your undevided attention every second of the day, because you're THERE so what else could be more important?  Oh, I don't know, say 8 loads of dirty laundry piling up?!  To add to the challenging dynamic of being a SAHM, I pursued and was given an opportunity last July to work part-time from home.  I've said it before, I'm very greatful I have this opportunity as it gives me something that is my own and it allows me to contribute financially to our household, while keeping my resume and skills current.  But believe me, trying to squeeze in just two hours of uninterrupted work while managing your house and caring for your children is mucher harder than it sounds. 
I change poopy diapers, wipe snotty noses, sweep up crumbs 10 times a day, everyday.  It's not glamorous, it's very hard some days, but I do LOVE it.  Call me crazy, but I know that in a very short time my boys will be too old to want to sit on my lap while I read a story.  They won't want to hold my hand while we walk down the street.  They won't come crying when they skin their knee on the playground, and they'll be "too old" for me to sing them a lullaby at bedtime.  It's true you are still a full-time mom when you work outside the home, and you're still the one that gets to do all of the things I mentioned above.  But I am making memories and learning so much from my children and about my children when I'm home all day with them.  I've also learned to appreciate those moms that keep a clean house, work a garden, homeschool their children and cook dinner everyday.  It's harder and busier than anyone realizes that's never been in their shoes.  Whether you're a SAHM or a full-time working mom, or a part-time working mom, what you do does matter.  You are raising God's most prized possessions to be contributing members of society, to be lights in a dark world.  So whether you're with them 16 hours a day or 5 hours a day, make the most of every minute, treasure this time and love your children.  Appreciate everything they offer, even if it's a dirty kitchen floor:)  They will be grown and gone before we realize it.

Here's To A New Year: Reflecting on 2012 and Looking Forward to 2013

Photo taken by:
http://yukabelle.com/

Also taken by Yukari

2012 was filled with exciting milestones and blessings, and also a lot of challenges and heartache.  Overall, when I look back on 2012 I am thankful to see how God guided us through the difficult times, like healing me from pneomonia, and comforting our family after losing Grandma.  I'm also thankful for the blessings we received, celebrating Nolan's first birthday; my decision to leave work full-time and stay home with our boys, and 6 months later receiving the chance to work part-time from home; buying our first family camper and taking several outings throughout the beautiful state of Missouri; Benjamin turning 4 and learning to ride a bike; Eddie receiving a promotion at work.  I can see God's hand at work throughout the entire year and I can say without reservation that our family is truly blessed.

Though the holiday season was bittersweet as we spent our first     Thanksgiving and Christmas without Grandma, we had a lot of memorable family time as well.  Courtesy of Pinterest's inspiration, the kids and I also got crafty with some new Christmas cookie recipes: Candy Cane Kisses and Red Velvet Cookies.  Ben and Ashtyn had a lot of fun helping me bake, as well as decorating  and eating the cookies.  The boys also made a homemade gift for their Grandma's this year.

 

We celebrated the New Year with our friends, making homemade sushi and lots of other delicious Asian snacks, while the kids played and watched movies.  Recently a friend asked me what I'm most looking forward to in 2013.  Our family has a lot to look forward to this year: camping in the spring; taking a trip to see friends and family in Central California; Benjamin will turn 5 and then start kindergarten in August (sniffle); and Nolan will turn 2.  But the most anticipated event our family is looking forward to is the arrival of baby #3!  Right before Christmas we were surprised to find out we are expecting a new baby at the end of August (you know I wouldn't choose that time of year to be 9 months pregnant!), and as surprising as it was, we are even more excited to see how the new bundle of joy will add to our family dynamic.  Cheers and Happy New Year!

8 weeks, 1 day

In The Eyes of a Granddaughter: Remembering One of the Greatest Women Who Ever Lived

Grandma's 80th Birthday Celebration, 09/30/2006

It's hard to know where to begin this post, I could write or talk about my Grandmother for days, weeks even.  She was a strong, elegant, beautiful, faithful, radiant, virtuous woman.  Everything most women could only hope to be and more.  She was a daughter, a sister, a mother, a wife, a grandmother, a great grandmother, a great-great grandmother, an aunt, a sister-in-law, a friend and an obedient follower of Jesus Christ.  She leaves behind 7 children, 24 grandchildren, 33 great grandchildren and 2 great-great grandchildren.  More importantly, she leaves behind a legacy.  Grandma was the cornerstone of our family.  She always had a warm smile to greet anyone; she loved without limits or expectations, she loved unconditionally and continuously.  She never gave up on any of her children or grandchildren, no matter how bad the circumstances were, and believe me, there have been some extremely rough ones over the years.  She was forgiving, no matter what or how bad someone had hurt her, and she was always willing to reconcile.  She believed in living your life as an example for your family, she didn't just talk the talk, she walked the walk.  Her last words of advise to me were "Cassie, you have one thing to do in this world, to make sure those boys of yours are Christians.  Live your life as a godly example so that they grow up knowing the Lord.  Stay in church and make sure your soul is ready."  I cannot imagine a more important mission in life, or a better piece of advise.
Losing my Grandma has been one of the most painful experiences in my 30 years of existence.  I've lost a father, two friends and some distant relatives.  But this loss was hard to bear.  My Grandma helped raise me.  While my single mom was working hard, taking master's classes or staying late for board meetings, my Grandma was taking care of my brothers and I.  She really did spoil me, too.  What 10 year old do you know gets served T-bone steak and eggs for breakfast?!  This girl.  My favorite memories are of Grandma and I lounging in our nightgowns, relaxing after dinner, reading books in her old bed like two old ladies, but I was just a little girl.  Every time I stayed the night she'd wash my hair, comb it out (quite a feat considering my hair was to my waist), and then she would meticulously part my hair, braid it into small braids, rolling the end of each braid in a curler.  The next morning she'd help me unroll the curlers and undo the braids.  The result was a glorious mane of chestnut waves and curls. 

My baby shower 02/2008

Of course, she was also an amazing cook.  She had a magic touch in the kitchen; her cakes, made from catch, were always baked to perfection, delicate and moist with a smooth coat of homemade icing.  Her fried barbecue chicken was legendary and unmatched.  Her famous "dressing", that's what we call stuffing, will be dearly missed at Thanksgiving next week, but not nearly as much as her presence.  It's hard to imagine a family dinner without my Grandmother there.  She has always been there.  What amazes me about her is how she managed to always be there for all of her children and grandchildren over the years.  Every wedding, bridal and baby shower, birthday party, high school and college graduations, soccer games, dance recitals, baptisms, the list goes on.  She would not miss anything, and she managed to do this for our entire family.  She would travel from country to city, from coast to coast, so that she would not miss an event for her grandchildren or great grandchildren.  When you include spouses, there's roughly 82 of us, and that's the "immediate" family.  No second cousins, just her 7 children and their families.  She also found a way to make each and everyone of her grandchildren feel special in some way to her that was unique to the rest.  It takes a very special woman to accomplish this.
Grandma also had a great since of humor.  She loved to dress up in ridiculous costumes/makeup to make people laugh, and even while she was on her death bed when asked if she needed anything she answered "yes, a hair dresser."  That will bring a smile to my face for the rest of my days.

Three Generations
My Wedding Day 07/17/2004

Grandma took pride in her appearance.  I mentioned she was elegant and beautiful.  This was no overstatement.  She was always dressed so classy and fashionable, no old lady moo-moos for her.  Her purses, shoes and jewelry accessorized and complimented each outfit she wore.  She went to the beauty salon every Friday to have her hair done up until the last three weeks of her life.  I could only dream of looking as good as she did throughout her lifetime.
On the other hand, my Grandmother could have worn burlap and twine and she still would have radiated a room with her beauty.  The way she loved so openly, deeply and unconditionally is what I admired most about her.  If one of her children or grandchildren screwed up, she may have been disappointed, but she never gave up.  She continued to love and encourage them until they were back on their feet.  She had a bedtime ritual that she performed: praying over her family every single night.  She named off her children one by one and each of their children and his/her families.  That is dedication and love at its finest.  She sacrificed most of what she had until the very end of her life to help her children when they were in need.  She could have been selfish, could have set some of her land or money aside and retired young and lived a comfortable, easier life.  Instead, she divided the land between her seven children and moved into a modest home in town.  She worked up until a few months before she died.  I remember one time when I was very young and spent the afternoon with Grandma at the store she managed in town.  A young couple walked in with a baby no more than two years old in their arms.  They looked dirty, scruffy, neither of them were wearing shoes.  My Grandma silently started filling bags with all sorts of toiletries: shampoos, soaps, toothpaste, toothbrushes; clothing, shoes, etc.  Then as the couple and their baby started to leave my Grandma handed them the bags and told them not to worry about it.  She was so compassionate.
My days are filled with memories now.  Her words of wisdom and pieces of advise echo in my head throughout each day.  When I cook, I think of her.  When I wipe my son's snotty nose, I think of her and how she must of done that a thousand times and then some for children and grandchildren.  I miss her.  I will always miss her until that day when we will meet again.  It's so bittersweet to reflect on what has happened over the last two weeks.  I lost my Grandmother.  A rock and a role model in my life.  But I'm so grateful to have such a big, amazing family, and a God that was present throughout everything. I'm thankful that I had a chance to tell her how much I loved her one more time, a chance to say good-bye, as painful as it was, it's a gift not everyone has the chance to do in this life.  I will treasure that gift always.
Watch this video for amazing footage of my Grandmother: Betty Stephens Celebration

October: Disappointment and Redemption - Cardinals, Camping and Embracing 30

Babler State Park

I could, or let's say for the sake of my audience's time, should break this post up into four or five, but instead I'll do my best to summarize one my favorite times of the year into one post.  I mentioned this in my last post, but I'll say it again: the fall season, particularly the month of October, is my favorite time of the year.  Cool, crisp temperatures, beautiful fall foliage, camping, post-season baseball, all things pumpkin and oh yeah, my birthday!  Despite the drought we had this summer, I believe this fall turned out to be one of the most beautiful foliages I've seen in recent years.  I LOVE to drive through Missouri and take in all of the bright fall colors of orange, red, yellow and gold.  I also love planting some of my favorite fall plants, mums.  You can buy them almost anywhere, the grocery store, garden centers, green houses, etc.  I like to purchase mine from the Amish greenhouse in Leadmine / Tunas, Mo.  They have a huge selection of sizes in almost every color imaginable, along with "doubles" - two colors in one pot.  Here's a peak at the four I planted this season.


Camping - Eddie and I wanted to take at least one fall camping trip this year.  So on a whim we packed up and set out for Babler State Park, just on the western most edge of St. Louis County, about a 40 minute drive for us.  This was our first time at this park and it's an experience worth repeating.  It's a gorgeous area this time of year, and a very family friendly park.  We got lucky as we set out with no reservations.  When we arrived the campsites were mostly packed, but we drove around and found a culdesac of  four sites with electric, all available!   A few hours later, the culdesac was full.  Talk about great timing!  This park offers miles of bike trails, equestrian and hiking trails.  One couple that was taking a stroll stopped at our site and mentioned that when they had made reservations at the end of August there were only two sites left!  God opened up a door for us because there had obviously been some last minute cancellations to allow us a campsite.  It was also the night of a meteor shower, however; I wasn't able to stay up late enough to see them - maybe next year.  We had a relaxing, fun, fall family outing.

Disappointment

Two nights later, I sullenly watched my Redbirds give up their third straight loss to send the San Francisco Giants to the World Series.  This was also on the eve of my 30th birthday, needless to say, I was extremely disappointed.  Not the way I wanted to end the 2012 baseball season, or my 20s.  

Redemption & Embracing 30

Thanks to my amazing husband and awesome family and friends, my birthday turned out to be an unforgettable event.  My husband got up hours before dawn to make my favorite breakfast before he left for work, whole wheat pancakes and bacon - YUM!  The entire day I was bombarded (in a good way) with phone calls, voicemails, emails, texts and Facebook posts wishing me a happy birthday.  Since the morning was cold and rainy I took my boys to West County Mall to buy a new sweater and let them burn off some energy at the indoor play area for kids.  That evening my in-laws came over to the house to watch the boys and put them to bed while Eddie took me to dinner.  This is where my birthday gets really good!  The rainy morning had given way to a warm, sunny fall afternoon / evening.  So when we arrived at Square One Brewery and Restaurant we chose their beautiful patio to dine; and when we walked out I was surprised by a table full of my dear friends!!  I was so shocked, and strangely, embarrassed:)  Something about being the center of attention unexpectedly...who knows.  Eddie had been scheming this little surprise for weeks.  I had a second surprise when the servers brought out two Gooey Butter Cheesecakes covered in candles from the Blue Owl Bakery.  Thank you, Beth!  Eddie told me my fabulous friend, Beth, had helped with a lot of the planning - the cakes were all her idea, and a tasty one at that!  Laura made me a pan of peanut butter bars - YUM, and I had the best birthday yet; congregating, celebrating and catching up with some great friends.  The entire experience made it pretty easy and exciting to embrace the big 3 - 0.

Fall Feild Trip and Halloween

Two days after my birthday, Ben's preschool took a fall field trip to a local greenhouse and garden center in south St. Louis called, For the Garden.  Ben and his classmates got to learn all about bats, paint a pumpkin, explore a maze and take silly pictures.

Last, but not least, October wraps up with the fun holiday.  No religious or national significance, just a day dedicated to dressing up, eating sweets, carving pumpkins and telling jokes (a St. Louis thing).  This year I borrowed costumes from my cousin, Nichole, and the boys suited up as some of their favorite superheroes: Batman and Robin!  I got to spend the morning as a parent host at Ben's preschool party where the kids dressed in costume, played games, made crafts, and of course, snacked on sweets.  That evening we carved a Jack-O-Lantern while watching The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown, visited Grandma and Grandpa Rickard, Trick-or-Treated in the neighborhood and handed out candy.

I had started this post with the intention of including all of my fall favorites, but for the sake of time, I decided to include one "fall favorite" in a series of upcoming posts.  Next week I'll be sharing about my week of Pinterest, along with my Fall Harvest Soup recipe. Cheers!